Happy Birthday, You Bastard

5th September, William Dampier

William Dampier,

5th September 1651

In the Roman writer Tacitus’ marvellously obsequious biography of the general, one-time governor of the province of Brittania and his father-in-law, Gnaeus Julius Agricola, he includes one of the most famous rhetorical exercises in Roman literature. Nominally, it’s a speech given by a Caledonian chieftain called Calgacus, but, of course, it’s nothing of the sort. Calgacus wouldn’t have made a speech in Latin, for starters, being a ginger-haired, proto-Scottish, Brittonic hooligan who liked to club people in the face with rocks. The ‘speech’ takes place before the battle of Mons Graupius, the location of which has never been satisfactorily narrowed down and Calgacus’ big old swarthy mass of an army, with its chariots and cavalry charging about like madmen, has lined up against the legions and auxiliary that Agricola has brought into Scotland to persuade them that what they needed is the Pax Romana.

Pax Romana - the Roman Peace - is Rome’s gift to the barbarian hoard. When Monty Python asked, ‘what have the Romans ever done for us?’, the answer needn’t have been a long list of things, although it might have spoiled the joke had it not been, it could simply have been ‘Pax Romana’. It’s the peace, protection and prosperity that being a Roman brings you. It’s civilisation and order. It’s baths and forums. Togas and mosaics. It’s nice things.

Of course, this is all subjective because as far as Calgacus was concerned, they already had nice things, thanks very much and if nice things came at the expense of being bashed in the face with a sword, you could fucking keep it. Living halfway up a misty glen in a roundhouse with nary a mosaic in sight was also nice, it just wasn’t nice if your name was Gnaeus Julius Agricola. The speech is very famous:

”Whenever I consider the causes of this war and our present straits, my heart beats high that this very day and this unity of yours will be the beginning of liberty for all Britons.... Now they have access to the farthest limits of Britain; there are no more tribes beyond, nothing but waves and rocks, and, more deadly than these, the Romans, whose oppression you have sought in vain to escape by obedience and submissiveness. Plunderers of the world, now that there are no more lands for their all-devastating hands, they search even into the sea. If the enemy is rich, they are rapacious, if poor, they lust for dominion. Not east nor west has sated them; alone of all mankind, they covet riches and poverty with equal passion. They rob, butcher, plunder, and call it “empire”; and where they make a desolation, they call it ‘peace’.”

It’s a withering attack on the notion of Pax Romana, all the more so because these aren’t Calgacus’ words at all. These are Tacitus’ words. He was a senator and one very angry at what he saw as the moral decline of Rome and the abandonment of fine Republican principles. He can hardly stand up and say this stuff himself, at least not if he doesn’t want to be strangled and thrown in the Tiber, so he says it vicariously through the words of a Caledonian chieftain.

Either way, for all this charging about and Braveheart level of bravado. Agricola squashes his entire army like ants without even having to engage the legionaries. he lets the auxiliaries wipe them out.

The whole of that speech can be easily transposed to almost any colonial power, especially the British, the ultimate ‘plunderers of the world’ who now ‘search even into the sea’. Where the British went, spreading what they called ‘civilisation’ to people who were perfectly civilised to begin with, thanks very much, their ‘Pax Brittania’ they too coveted ‘riches and poverty with equal passion.’ They too robbed, butchered, plundered and called it ‘empire’. And the desert they left? They called that ‘peace’, too.

The gap between the circumnavigations of Francis Drake and James Cook, the latter kicking off the period of British naval dominance that allowed them to civilise the fuck out of everyone, is often seen as a barren time for naval exploration. Still, there was one chap who fulfilled all the requirements of such an explorer and his name was William Dampier.

William Dampier, born on September 5, 1651, in East Coker, Somerset, was one of the most remarkable figures of the 17th century, blending the roles of pirate, explorer, and naturalist in a way that set him apart from others of his time. His adventurous spirit led him to become the first person to circumnavigate the globe three times and to contribute significantly to the fields of geography and natural history.

Dampier’s early life was modest. He was the son of a tenant farmer, and although his family lacked wealth, he received an education that sparked his interest in the world beyond England’s shores. After both of his parents died while he was still a boy, Dampier was apprenticed to a shipmaster, setting him on the path of a seafaring life. By the age of 20, he had already embarked on several voyages, including expeditions to Newfoundland and Java. His time in the East Indies was particularly influential, giving him his first taste of exploration and the commercial potential of distant lands.

In 1679, Dampier began the journey that would establish him as one of the most celebrated explorers of his era: his first circumnavigation of the globe. Initially part of a buccaneering crew, Dampier’s voyage was as much about raiding Spanish territories in the Americas as it was about exploration. He sailed with Captain Bartholomew Sharp and later joined the crew of the Cygnet under Captain Charles Swan. It was during this time that he explored the coastlines of Central America, the Pacific, and Southeast Asia, recording valuable observations on the flora, fauna, and indigenous cultures he encountered.

Dampier’s time as a pirate, or buccaneer, was a critical aspect of his adventurous life, especially his raids on Spanish shipping. In the late 1670s and early 1680s, Dampier sailed with fellow buccaneers, primarily targeting Spanish merchant vessels. These ships carried gold, silver, and valuable goods from the New World to Europe, making them prime targets for Dampier’s crew. He joined Captain Bartholomew Sharp and later Charles Swan, both of whom led daring raids on Spanish ships and settlements along the Pacific coast. Dampier's expeditions off Panama and South America were particularly successful, often outmaneuvering larger and better-armed Spanish forces. These raids not only brought wealth to Dampier and his crew but also provided opportunities to explore uncharted regions of the Pacific. His experience during these buccaneering missions significantly contributed to his later expertise in navigation and exploration, blending his piratical activities with scientific curiosity.

Dampier’s keen observational skills were apparent even in these early years. His descriptions of the places he visited, such as the Isthmus of Panama, the Galápagos Islands, and the Philippines, were detailed and accurate. He kept a journal that would later form the basis of his book A New Voyage Round the World (1697), a work that brought him fame and recognition upon his return to England. The book was not only a travelogue but also a scientific document, with meticulous accounts of wind patterns, ocean currents, and natural phenomena. It set a standard for future explorers and contributed significantly to the knowledge of the time.

In 1699, Dampier was given command of a Royal Navy ship, the Roebuck, and tasked with leading an official expedition to explore uncharted parts of Australia. This voyage marked a significant shift in his career, from pirate and privateer to legitimate explorer. The Roebuck expedition was intended to map the western coast of Australia, then known as New Holland, and to search for opportunities for trade and colonization. However, the journey was fraught with difficulties from the start. The Roebuck was an aging ship, prone to leaks and other mechanical failures. Despite these challenges, Dampier succeeded in charting parts of Australia’s western coast, including Shark Bay, and making important botanical and zoological observations.

Unfortunately, the Roebuck expedition ended in disaster. The ship was in such poor condition that it eventually sank off the coast of Ascension Island in the South Atlantic. Dampier and his crew were stranded for several months before being rescued. Upon his return to England, Dampier faced a court martial, accused of cruelty towards his crew and the failure of the expedition. He was found guilty of mistreating one of his lieutenants and was stripped of his command, a humiliating outcome for a man who had once been celebrated as one of England’s leading explorers.

Despite the setback, Dampier’s career was far from over. In 1703, he embarked on his second circumnavigation of the globe, this time as part of a privateering mission during the War of the Spanish Succession. He served as captain of the St George, a ship tasked with attacking Spanish ships and settlements in the Pacific. Although this voyage was less scientifically oriented than his previous expeditions, it further solidified Dampier’s reputation as an experienced and resourceful mariner. His knowledge of wind patterns, tides, and geography proved invaluable to the mission’s success, even if it was not without its difficulties. After an unsuccessful attack on a Spanish galleon, Dampier’s leadership came under scrutiny once again, leading to dissent among the crew and a less-than-profitable return to England.

Dampier’s third and final circumnavigation took place in 1708, when he joined Captain Woodes Rogers on a privateering expedition aboard the Duke and Duchess. This voyage is perhaps best known for the rescue of Alexander Selkirk, a marooned sailor who had been living alone on the Juan Fernández Islands for over four years. Selkirk’s story would later inspire Daniel Defoe’s famous novel Robinson Crusoe. Dampier’s role as pilot on this expedition was crucial, guiding the ships through the dangerous waters of the South Seas and helping to capture several valuable Spanish prizes. This third circumnavigation marked the end of Dampier’s seafaring career, but his legacy was far from forgotten.

Throughout his life, Dampier was a pioneer in the scientific observation of nature, geography, and oceanography. His writings influenced many later explorers, including James Cook and Charles Darwin. Cook, in particular, is said to have carried a copy of Dampier’s Voyages with him on his own expeditions. Dampier’s contributions to the understanding of trade winds, currents, and the flora and fauna of distant lands were invaluable to both navigators and naturalists. His detailed descriptions of plants and animals in regions such as Australia, Southeast Asia, and the Americas expanded European knowledge of the natural world.

Despite his many achievements, Dampier’s life was also marked by controversy and personal failings. His treatment of his crew, particularly during the Roebuck expedition, tarnished his reputation, and he was never fully able to regain the prestige he had once enjoyed. However, his contributions to exploration and natural history are undeniable. He was a complex figure—part pirate, part scientist—whose curiosity and adventurous spirit left an indelible mark on the world.

Today, William Dampier is remembered as one of the most important explorers of his time, a man who helped shape our understanding of the natural world and the geography of the planet. His blend of buccaneering daring and scientific inquiry set him apart from other explorers of the era, making him a unique and influential figure in both the history of exploration and the development of natural science.