Happy Birthday, You Luvvie Bastard

October 22nd, Derek Jacobi

Sir Derek George Jacobi, CBE

October 22nd, 1938

Since the time, some 300,000 years ago, when the first modern humans walked the Earth, humankind has done magnificent things. It has also, unfortunately, filled the timeless voids of history with horrors of unimaginable cruelty.

When a distant caveman cousin picked up a stone, called it an 'ugg' and then used it to smash in the head of another, passing member of a human species, he (because it was almost certainly a man, and man who called other cavemen 'bro' and did fist bumps) set in motion a chain of events that would see Homo sapiens wipe out every other human species on the planet. The epoch in which we live now is, tellingly, the only time that there has been but one, very lonely, human species on this planet.

Along the way, H. sapiens has created misery upon misery. They have plundered the Earth, and now that there are no more lands for their all-devastating hands, they reach even into the sea and the stars. Where there is fortune, they have been rapacious. Where there is poverty, they lust for dominion. Neither east nor west, not the oceans nor the skies, have sated them. Alone of all the species, they covet riches and poverty with equal passion. They rob, butcher, plunder and call it 'civilisation', and where they make a desert, they call it 'peace'.

But among the terrors that humanity has wrought upon each other, among the visceral, venal and carnal atrocities they contaminate humanity with, one, above all, stands as the darkest and most evil of them all. One plumbs depths so balrog deep and sinister that its very mention is enough to strike horror into the hearts of the stoutest and most redoubtable of humans - Children's television.

Anyone who has ever raised children in the era of television will immediately recoil in horror at the thought of the brightly lit, primary-coloured, shouty world of inanely grinning , snap-mouthed puppets, "HI GUYS!!!" bellowing, twenty-something, dead-eyed drama student presenters and tinky-fucking-winky, plonky-fucking-wonky, piano ghastliness.

Nothing, but nothing, that humanity has ever done can compare to having to sit through even bare seconds of the torture that is the fucking Teletubbies.

I raised three sons through this hellscape, and the thought of it now makes me shudder. No TV medium has ever treated its audience, even if that audience cannot yet wipe its own arse, with such utter contempt. How TV executives think that crassly animated nonsense and shouting is the best way to help inquisitive and wonder-filled minds prepare for the world is beyond me. No wonder then that children grow up mindlessly thumbing through Tik-Tok videos of shouting, bright colours and doo-doo-daa-daa dancing tomfoolery. Modern life is just children's TV with tits in it.

But there was one oasis of sane calmness in the brutal, noisy, gaudy onslaught, and it was called In The Night Garden.

The aim of In The Night Garden was not to excite and mindlessly titillate the child, but to lull them to sleep. It was nonsensical, but it didn't aim to be anything but. It had a narrator who spoke softly and gently, and even though his words were seemingly gibberish, they were chosen more for the sound they made than for their meaning. It was the cooing of mother birds. It was the lap of waves on the shore of a slumbering Scottish loch. The show grew increasingly slower and sleepier and dimmer and more and more gentle until it not so much ended as just went to sleep, along with, crucially, the child who had been awake since four in the fucking morning, allowing you, too, a good hour of slumber, on the couch, with sick on your shoulder, in your pyjamas still, at 4 in the afternoon, at the frayed, dead-eyed end of your fucking tether.

And for that, I loved In The Night Garden.

And how did they pull off this magic trick? Did they pump out white noise or use subliminal messages flashed briefly on the screen to hypnotise the unwary child? No. They just got Derek Jacobi to be the narrator. And he talked to them in a calm, soothing voice, like they were fucking people.

Sir Derek George Jacobi was born on October 22, 1938, in Leytonstone, London, to Daisy Gertrude and Alfred George Jacobi. His father, Alfred, ran a tobacconist’s shop that also sold sweets, while his mother, Daisy, worked as a secretary in a drapery store. Raised in a working-class household, Jacobi showed early signs of artistic talent. His interest in acting began during his time at Leyton County High School for Boys, where he first participated in school plays. His portrayal of Hamlet in a school production caught the attention of others and earned him a scholarship to the University of Cambridge, where he attended St John's College. At Cambridge, Jacobi became an active member of the Marlowe Society, performing in various plays and honing his craft. His performance as Edward II during his university years brought him further recognition and solidified his ambition to pursue acting professionally.

Upon graduating, Jacobi was offered a place at the Birmingham Repertory Theatre in 1960, marking the start of his professional career. His work there led to his breakthrough moment in 1963 when he was invited to join Laurence Olivier’s newly formed National Theatre Company at the Old Vic. Jacobi performed in numerous productions under Olivier’s guidance, with significant roles in Othello and The Master Builder, and quickly established himself as a key member of the company. His time with the National Theatre provided the foundation for his career, and his performance as the titular character in Hamlet further bolstered his reputation as one of Britain’s finest Shakespearean actors. Over the years, Jacobi would become one of the foremost interpreters of Shakespeare's works, with critically acclaimed performances in King Lear, Much Ado About Nothing, and Twelfth Night.

Jacobi’s talents were not confined to the stage alone. His breakthrough in television came in 1976 when he starred in the BBC’s I, Claudius. His portrayal of the Roman emperor Claudius, a stammering and seemingly weak character who proves to be a shrewd and cunning leader, brought him international recognition and acclaim. His performance in the role earned him a BAFTA Award and remains one of his most celebrated achievements. This role catapulted him to stardom and established him as a prominent figure in television drama.

He continued to build his television career with roles in series such as Cadfael, where he played the titular role of Brother Cadfael, a 12th-century monk and detective. This series was widely praised and contributed to Jacobi’s reputation as a versatile actor. His television appearances continued well into his later years, including roles in popular shows such as Last Tango in Halifax, where he portrayed Alan Buttershaw, an elderly man who rekindles a romance with a former sweetheart, a role that earned him further acclaim.

Beyond the more dramatic roles, Jacobi has also ventured into children’s television. One of his notable contributions was as the narrator of the popular children’s TV show In the Night Garden (2007–2009), a role that introduced him to a younger audience. His soothing voice guided children through the fantastical world of the Night Garden, adding yet another dimension to his already diverse career. His work on the show was widely praised and demonstrated his ability to engage audiences of all ages.

In addition to his work in television and theatre, Jacobi has had an extensive film career. He appeared in films such as The Day of the Jackal (1973), The Odessa File (1974), Hamlet (1996), Gosford Park (2001), The King’s Speech (2010), where he portrayed Archbishop Cosmo Lang, and Murder on the Orient Express (2017). Despite his success in film, Jacobi has consistently stated that theatre is his true passion, and he often returns to the stage to perform in major productions. His international reputation as a Shakespearean actor has led him to perform on stages around the world, including notable stints on Broadway.

Jacobi has also worked as a director, most notably with the Royal Shakespeare Company, and lent his voice to numerous radio dramas, audiobooks, and animated features. His distinctive voice has made him a popular choice for narration, adding another layer to his already multi-faceted career. His ability to excel in a wide range of genres, from historical dramas to children’s programming, illustrates the depth of his talent and versatility as a performer.

In his personal life, Jacobi has been relatively private. In 2006, after 27 years together, he entered into a civil partnership with his long-term partner, Richard Clifford, a theatre director. The couple has worked together on numerous occasions, and their relationship is seen as one of the most enduring partnerships in the entertainment world. Jacobi’s openness about his sexuality and relationship has made him a prominent figure in the LGBTQ+ community, particularly in an industry that, historically, was not always as accepting of such matters.

Jacobi has received many accolades over the course of his career. In 1994, he was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II for his services to drama, becoming Sir Derek Jacobi. Among his other honours, he has won several Laurence Olivier Awards, a Tony Award, and an Emmy Award. Jacobi’s contributions to the performing arts have been widely recognized, and he remains one of the most respected actors of his generation. His career, which has spanned over six decades, showcases his enduring talent and his ability to adapt to different mediums and styles of performance.

As of October 2024, Jacobi continues to perform, though he has reduced his workload as he has aged. His legacy as one of Britain’s greatest actors is firmly established, and his influence on both stage and screen is immeasurable. His remarkable career, encompassing everything from Shakespearean tragedy to children’s television, has made him a beloved figure in British and international acting circles.